Emotional Vitamins

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We are enduring the most challenging times I have witnessed in my lifetime. So many of us feel unsafe, insecure, unstable, anxious, and unsure of what to do. It seems we are inundated daily with the effects of bad players at home and abroad. The horrors seem to have no end: Women’s rights are being revoked, gay rights are evaporating, antisemitism and crimes against Jews are on the rise. Gun violence has seeped into every area of our lives, even our children’s schools. Our government is sending troops into our cities to indiscriminately arrest citizens, legal aliens, and others without due process. The legal system has been weaponized. The USA is taking over sovereign nations with military might and threatening other nations who do not cooperate with the whims of the current administration. The most egregious and irreparable of these offenses is the murder of our own citizens in broad daylight by ICE agents supposedly being sent to weed out criminals, but who instead are spreading fear and instilling violence where is did not previously exist. The list goes on. And on. And on.

We are all trying to keep our heads above water and trying to help those around us, some of whom are suffering more than we are. But that effort is becoming more challenging as the lack of positive change leads to the rapid decline of democracy in the United States and thus, around the world. While I am fearful, I do not see any option but to speak up and speak out against wrong-doing, and to offer hope where I can.

So, in a desperate attempt at helping others find a bit of sunshine—joy, as it were—I offer this advice: Take your emotional vitamins daily. Yes, emotional vitamins.

My emotional vitamins closely align with my love language. And my number one love language is touch. Giving and receiving touch is essential to my well-being. Hugs, kisses, handholding, shoulder/upper arm rubs, handshakes, elbow bumps, and pats on the back are all easy to give and lovely to receive. The closer you are with someone the more important touch matters. Babies at birth are evaluated for their ability to thrive. Without touch they wind up severely damaged, and some unable to survive. Touch is an essential ingredient to survival for each of us, from infancy through old age, but we have become touch averse as a society. Some reasons not to touch are justifiable, but the pendulum needs to swing back to the middle and allow for casual touch among us. We need the connection, literally and figuratively.

When my children were babies, I gave them daily massages. As they aged, they would ask for head rubs—kind of like when you go to the hair salon and they massage your head during hair washing. That is my favorite part of getting my hair done. The touch is at once relaxing and connecting. It tells you someone is aware of your physical being. I see you. I feel you. You are touchable. You are desirable. The marriage contract can be legally dissolved if affection and intimacy are withheld and unfixable.

It is easy to offer the next emotional vitamin and I, like everyone else, need a daily dose of this one. Affirmation. Affirmations are acknowledgements of our better qualities. That was a great meal! I appreciate how hard you work. Your outfit is so fabulous today. You did a great job on that report. Way to go signing up that account for the team. Nice golf shot. Way to go for the lacrosse team today. So easy and yet so impactful.

Yesterday I told a delivery truck driver I appreciated his effort to be nice to our dog, who barks her full off when he comes to the door. He started offering her a biscuit when he brings packages to our door. That affirmation led to a conversation. A connection. And my day started with my husband telling me he never gets tired of looking at me. Wow! Forty-one years of marriage and believe me he has seen me in all kinds of situations. What an affirmation that was.

The reason this emotional vitamin works - and is so effortless - is that positivity begets positivity. We can give someone a lift in their step and an added joy that may encourage them to share that joy with someone else. One can only hope.

Service is another emotional vitamin. Easy to give, wonderful to receive. Let me grab the door for you. I made your favorite cookies. Would you like help planting those flowers tomorrow? I can drive you to that doctor's appointment. Sometimes service is not easy. Like being a poll worker on election days. Or going door-to-door to register voters. Or phone banking to reach out to undecided voters. Or reading to folks in the hospital, singing to children in medical facilities, or sitting with a dying person, just holding her hand. The list of little acts of service is endless, and some of them can be deeply impactful. But the big ones are acts everyone should try to do. They are often the acts least appreciated, but most needed.

When my children lived at home their school included days of service throughout the school year. One dear story that has become part of our family lore is when our older daughter volunteered in an assisted living facility for her day of service, she was polishing nails for a few of the elderly women. A man suffering from dementia wanted his nails polished. The boys who were doing some activity with the men were beside themselves, not knowing how to help this man. My daughter, who is currently a life coach and a soon-to-be therapist, simply asked the man what color he liked. She preceded to do his nails, lowering the angst in the room, and offering the elderly gentleman the gift of service they were called upon to provide that day. Service comes from the heart, not a checklist on a resume.

Making time is another one of my love languages. Life can be very hectic. Learning to give of your time is truly meaningful in a busy, global economy, multiple time zone, work world. My friend recently became a widow. Sitting across the table from her for a cup of morning coffee is such a blessing for me as well as her. I am able to hear all the feels, and validate her experience of being on the roller-coaster of loss. Yesterday, I asked her what she needed before we said our goodbyes. She said, let's do this again, I really needed to laugh. I did too, it turned out!

The last of my love languages, and my second favorite, is gift giving. Gift giving can involve money, but not necessarily. I am fortunate enough to have more disposable income than many, so I feel an extra sense of duty to give more. My partner-in-the-possible and I have done things together and individually to offer gifts in our community that range from setting up a computer lab for an inner city after school program in Philadelphia, to giving our home to a family impacted by hurricane Katrina years ago—free of charge, for as long as they needed to get back on their feet (about a year). We have endowed scholarships for kids in college and private inner-city schools. I went through college on a full scholarship and vowed to pay it forward one day. It was a dream come true when we met our first scholar years ago. That gift giving effort alone has paid huge dividends, to witness these kids go out in the world, leading productive lives because they were given a chance.

I also believe in being generous at home within my circle of friends and family. When they are resistant to accepting my gifts, I always say the same thing: “If the tables were turned, wouldn’t you do this for me?” Or “If my luck changes and I lose my wealth, will you not take me in and feed me?” Then we laugh together.

But there are so many ways to gift a person something special without spending a lot of money—or any in some cases. My favorite handmade gift is a note or a craft item. My children gave me coupons when they were young and had no money of their own. I still have some and they are precious to me. I have a friend who makes scones for gifts and boxes them in special little decorated containers. I have another friend who filled a jar with heart shaped objects from nature as a birthday gift one year. My mother, who is almost ninety, still bakes cookies for family and friends and puts them in tins she’s collected over the years. When I was a little girl, we picked up an elderly woman for church each Sunday. In gratitude, she gifted us homemade, hand wrapped caramels. That is a fond memory from my youth. All these, easy to do and wonderfully satisfying to receive.

My closing message is keep your chin up, your heart forward, and your soul well stocked with Emotional Vitamins during these unpredictable days we are going through. They are essential all the time, but you may have to double the dosage during trying times—like the ones we’re in now!

I am grateful for your time here and hope you find it worthwhile. Please leave comments or reach out to me. I am always eager to hear how my work lands with my readers.